There has been a lot of suffering happening lately, or at least as a human race we are more aware of it than usual.
In this, I have noticed a lot of people comparing their experiences.
Things like, “I don’t feel like I can be sad about school ending because so many people have lost their jobs, or a loved one, or their wedding”.
This statement is comparative suffering and I believe it has to stop.
Comparative suffering is when we rank our situations to another person. This can happen with good or bad things.
This mindset of comparative suffering is overwhelming in our world right now.
But it hasn’t just started recently. We have been doing this forever. We do it with any bad thing in our lives and even to the good things as well.
People don’t think that they can feel sad about something in their life because someone they know has it worse. Comparing a good experience looks like seeing something you’ve achieved as not enough because someone just got something or did something “better”.
In both situations comparative suffering is evident.
But why do we compare what we are going through? It’s like we’re hoping for someone to swoop in and say “Sorry guys, my life is the worst and I take the trophy.”
Our suffering shouldn’t be ranked, this includes good things too.
There’s no “winning” when we do this.
Instead, comparative suffering shuts down our experiences and minimizes what we are feeling.
Comparative suffering says “What you’re feeling isn’t that big of a deal and you need to get over it”.
We tell ourselves and believe the lie that whatever I am going through is not enough.
When this is the EXACT OPPOSITE of what we should be thinking and feeling in any situation.
I think we do this because we have a misconception that we can’t be empathetic for everyone. Like we only have enough empathy for the one person who has the worst situation.
When this is completely wrong.
I am fully capable of having empathy for everyone because empathy doesn’t run out.
Empathy is something I choose to have, feel, and give to others.
Empathy allows us to validate each other and create connection. It is the only thing that will stop comparative suffering.
But honestly, I understand why we compare. When I compare my suffering with someone else it’s because I don’t feel like my experience is sufficient since what someone else is going through is so much worse.
But if we minimize our experiences by comparing them to someone else’s we aren’t giving space for our feelings and what we are going through.
If you’re feeling sad or disappointed about something you need to fully acknowledge and accept those emotions, even if there is someone going through something worse.
You’re feeling that way for a specific reason and that in itself is worth recognizing and caring for.
Nothing good comes out of comparing our experiences and suffering to another person.
Instead, what evolves is hurt, discomfort, resentment, disconnection, and misunderstanding.
If we compare what we are going through we aren’t giving space for who we are created to be, all things included like emotions and experiences.
So what I propose is that we accept what we are going through as they are, the good and the bad. We accept our loss and hurt, even if we don’t feel like it’s as big as someone else’s.
We need to do this because your feelings matter and you matter.
Lossing your school year sucks, and so does so many other things like a lost job or a family member.
But we will never be able to heal if compare our suffering.
You need to make a decision that no matter what you are feeling your situation is just as important as someone else’s.
Deeply Loved Co. 